Cains book is full of research validating the differences in personality that even infants and young children display. Ten tips for parenting an introverted child, by the same author, is also useful, inspiring, and thoughtprovoking. Raising an introvert in an extrovert world parents. A child that loves to talk and talk and talk, and say hello to everyone, and play with friends all the time, and be in your business every minute of every day. When i decided to write a post on whether its less difficult to raise an introverted child than an extroverted one, my working hypothesis was.
They may seem older than they really are, somehow possessing insights beyond their years. Mighty mommy shares 8 strategies for raising an introverted child to be a successful, confident adult. Call them spirited, emotionally intense, difficult, high needs, or challengingit doesnt matter. Let me introduce you to a child who shares many characteristics with the introverted children i have met and. Sometimes we try to just smile a lot, hoping that gives out a signal that we are friendly, but an awkward forced smile just makes it worse. Introverted children may be a little more on the sensitive side and not always open to sharing their struggles. Parenting can be challenging for all parents, whether introvert or extrovert. If your child has these seven traits, he or she may be an introvert. One of the biggest challenges of being an introvert raising an extrovert is that your child might want to make play dates happen. To give you a quick cheat sheet, here are 15 things you should never do to your introverted children.
And now shes tackling the issue of introverted kids and teens in her new book, quiet power. Parenting even with all its joys and rewardscan also be unbelievably draining, most especially if you are an introvert with a child whose needs for interaction far exceed your own. Force them to go outside and play when they want to recharge inside. The ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids. We live in a culture that values extroverts, yet people with introvert personality traits have much to offer. And sure youre doing everything all wrong because those parenting books other parents swear by just dont work for you. Understanding introverts and extravertsithe center for. In fact, one of the characteristics of introversion is the ability to be more sensitive to social cues and. Parenting your little introvert or extrovert real simple. I was content spending whole afternoons by myself, writing books on construction paper and daydreaming. Temperament refers to a ones predisposition to act and react in certain ways based on personality characteristics that are present at birth. Engaged by their interior world, theyre often regarded as aloof. The most important thing in bringing up introverted children is to work with, not against, their strengths. Get comfortable with your child s temperament and needs.
If you have an introverted child this is a must read. However her main focus is the oftenoverlooked value and strengths of the introvert. When you birth a child who is wired completely differently than you, parenting can become a struggle. The secret strength of introverts, takes a deep dive into the world of introverts. Some people assume introverts are socially anxious, but thats not the case. While its important to foster your child s social development and celebrate their need for socializing, its equally important that you dont constantly overextend yourself. Marti olsen laney, author of the hidden gifts of the introverted child. This is an excellent book which clearly describes the traits of introverted children and provides strategies for helping them to navigate an extrovert dominated world. A seven hour school day can be completely exhausting for an introverted. Check out these ten quality traits of introverts that you didnt even know you have. Cain argues that modern western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness the book presents a history of how western culture transformed from a culture of character to.
The first child, who becomes energized by being around people and activity, is considered an extravert. Every time they are out their battery is getting depleted. Frequently mischaracterized as shy, they interact with. Is it easier, or harder, to parent an introverted child. Tips for introverted parents raising extroverted kids wired. The bigger problem emerges when extroverted parents dont understand their introverted child. If you have an intense child, you probably know it. Introverted children 101the center for parenting education. Marti olsen laney, author of the introvert advantage with 74,000 copies in print, the hidden gifts of the introverted child fully explains introversion as a hardwired temperament, not a disability, and tells just what parents need to do to help their child become the person he or she is meant to beand succeed in an extroverted world. The cruel irony of an introvert having a child, is that you have at least a 5050 chance of ending up with an extroverted child. Their child may prefer to spend time alone reading or engaging in other individual activities rather than eagerly seeking out the companionship of other kids. Advice for parenting an introverted teenager introvert. As an introverted child, i lived partly in a small suburb in minnesota and partly in my imagination. In particular, the fight or flight aspect of their nervous systems is active, as research proves.
An introverted child is more likely to stay out of trouble and less likely to be rambunctious at school, says kagan. Introverts seek stimulation through inner thoughts and extroverts do it through the environment. Introversion is a very deep character trait, according to harvard university psychology professor jerome kagan, ph. It is also important to note that introversion is not the same thing as social anxiety or shyness. Surviving as an introverted mother quiet revolution. I always assumed those traits meant i was an extrovert.
How to raise an introverted child in our extremely social, exhibitionistic world, being an introvert can be tough. Being an introvert is a challenge at any age since todays world focuses so much on speaking out and being outgoing. Introverted children are often misunderstood, even by their parents, who worry about them. Introverts tend to be good listeners, loyal friends, and. A new book, the hidden gifts of the introverted child, offers insight into the special talents of introverts and offers parents some valuable advice. Being an introvert myself, i could relate to the issues raised. We talked with cain about helping young introverts deal with school, extracurriculars, family life. Use this alone time to take a break from the insanity around you.
Your introverted child has secret strengths, says susan. The personality of an individual is understood through a set of characteristics that determine the way he thinks, feels and behaves. Easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation, they can be seen as unmotivated. As a parent, the greatest gift you can give to an introverted child is acceptance. She writes that children s temperaments are innate although parents play an important role in nurturing that temperament. Raising an introverted child in an extroverted world hey sigmund. How seeing the world through the lens of personality changes everything, i walk you through 7 different frameworks, explaining the basics in a way you can actually understand, sharing personal stories about how what i learned made a difference in my life, and showing you how it could make a difference in yours, as well. Parenting the sensitive and introverted child wyatt the. Common misconceptions about introverted children verywell family. Ten tips for parenting an introverted child by susan cain. Think of your introvert s social energy as a battery. How does your personality affect your parenting style. Helping your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world, also explains that introverts renew their energy or recharge their batteries through alone time, whereas extroverted children recharge interactions with others and activity. All children ask questions, but an introverted child will surprise you with their depth of thinking.
It can be tough being an introverted teenager in a world that often seems geared toward extroverts. Here are 15 mistakes most parents dont even realize they are making with their introverted child. For extroverted parents, knowing how to deal with an introverted teen can be especially confusing. While introverts make up an estimated 25 to 40 percent of the population, there are still many misconceptions about this personality type. Content with just one or two close friends, they may be perceived as unpopular. Wanting a welladjusted child, these parents may apply tips that can help shy children become more outgoing, but they arent going to change the nature of an introverted child. No two introverts are exactly alike, but introverted children tend to share these seven characteristics to some degree. Being an introvert does not mean that you are socially anxious or shy. With the hidden gifts of the introverted child, dr. Nature has wired the introvert s brain differently from the extrovert. Lets start by understanding the characteristics of an introvert, and what makes an introvert different from an extrovert and an ambivert. If the outcome is not great, it only serves to confirm to the parent that something is wrong when, in fact, the only thing that may be askew is the parents expectation.
They didnt seem to need the alone time that i required just to function. Meeting an extroverted childs needs parenting from scratch. Introverted kids are more likely to stay on the sidelines. Scholars and writers, for example, are often inward. Introversion and extroversion, she says, are basic innate temperamental traits. Introverts live internally, and they need someone to draw them out, writes dr. It can give the impression that we dont approve of our child interacting with their children. Without a parent who listens and reflects back to them, like an. I recently had a conversation with an extroverted parent who has had a really hard time understanding her introverted sons behavior. Share the uniqueness and positive attributes of both approaches. Often creative, passionate, and deepthinking, introverted children bring a different type of energy and social dynamic to home and school. It could be one hour in the afternoon or midmorning, where you get to sleep a little or read a book. Marti olsen laney, a portland psychotherapist, explains these personality differences in her book the hidden gifts of the introverted child. The second child, who is drained by the same situation, is labeled an introvert.
Finally, a book on introversion which specifically relates to children. Share with your children your own personality needs as a parent. While this book is primarily written for adults who are introverts, there is much information in this book about children and parenting. The first thing to do is to make sure that you understand what it means to be an introvert. Raising a teenager is a challenging and frustrating endeavour for most parents. Buy the ultimate parenting guide for introvert moms, dads and kids. Introverted children have a lot to offer the world. No, your child cannot be quiet and reserved like you. If youre an introvert and you feel down about it, this article will make you feel better. Astonishingly, even at a young age, many introverted kids can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. An introverted child needs to be recharged frequently. If youre an extroverted parent with quiet children, you may find it difficult to accept their unwillingness to speak up or make friends.
What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics. Quiet kids, help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world by christine fonseca, published by prufrock press inc. As a teenager, i had a group of friends i loved, but spending time with them drained me. Parenting the introverted child wyatt the wonder dog. Introverts and extroverts brains are wired differently, according to dr. It turns out, says laney, that introversion is related to energy management. In dealing with their own anxieties, parents will often force an introverted child to interact with others in a way that is neither natural nor comfortable. What are introverts like as children 7 characteristics psychology. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking, author, susan cain identifies research that validates the differences in personality style that even infants and young children display. Marti olsen laney brings wisdom and science together to provide parents with an essential guide to raising a successful, welladjusted innie. They rely on their inner resources rather than constantly turning to. While you need to encourage exercise, physical activity, and healthy interactions, its just as important to identify where your child experiences the greatest emotional growth and gets the greatest intellectual stimulation. Meri wallace, a child and family therapist for over 20 years and author of birth order blues owl books, agrees about the connection between birth order and personality traits. The book is a guide of sorts for not only teens, but every.
By nature, extroverts are stimulating and outgoing. Parents will often worry if a child is introverted and prefers quieter pursuits. Introverts just dont handle social stimulation as well as extroverts do. The pressure to be on for their children when theyre exhausted and feeling drained can be hard. Another child avoids shopping and gets quickly frazzled, annoyed by the constant noise, overwhelmed by all of the choices, and frustrated by the crowds. You and your child an important aspect of a child s personality has to do with what is called temperament. How to raise an introverted child quick and dirty tips. The power of introverts in a world that cant stop talking is a 2012 nonfiction book written by susan cain. Help your introverted child succeed in an extroverted world. It can be that you are an extrovert parenting an introverted child. Tips for raising an introverted child verywell family. But as i began to read some of the books my therapist suggested, it became clear.
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